By Donna Drejza
In a previous column, we talked about how to get a husband by being in the right place. Well, mostly we talked about not wasting another second of what you’ve got left of your fleeting youth — in the wrong place. Today, we are writing about technique. You’ve got no time to waste girl!
1. Have a sexy man contest. Yes, you get to be the judge. Can you imagine the power you will have !? You can announce it on your website, and have men from all over the world writing in with their photos. Or, you can make it local. You can have it on your block, if you live on say, Wisteria Lane. You will even get women to send in photos of their men. Just think of this: men will be handed to you on a silver platter by unwitting women.
2. Have a party. This is a perfect ploy men have used for years. Have you ever been invited to a party at a man’s apartment only to find you are the only guest? Well, now it’s your turn! But don’t just invite one man—invite a whole bunch. And just one other woman. Mom and I did this once. Whatever you do, do not invite a bunch of girls with no pants on, like Nancy Sinatra did in her video!
3. Act a little crazy! Men decide if they love you in 30 seconds. No, wait they can’t focus for that long. Make it 4 seconds. You only have to do something for 4 seconds to change the course of your future. Here is what it is: Do something crazy, then smile. Wait, that’s two things. When I mean crazy, I mean crazy good —not crazy bad. (So there is no confusion: fun = good. Mean = bad.) I once walked over to a strange man who was eating a piece of cake in a restaurant and wordlessly took a bite of his cake and walked away. He asked me out in 2 minutes. I had a friend who was old, cranky and homely. She had perfect hair, and suddenly was caught in the rain like a drowned rat, and suddenly did a dance on the curb to “Singing in the Rain.” A bystander fell madly in love with her.
4. Laugh or cry. If you do either one of these, men will be drawn to you. You must choose one or the other, but never both, or they will think you are some sort of nut. If you cry, they can’t help but offer a handkerchief and ask what’s wrong. If you are laughing, they will want to know this bubbly happy person. Make sure you don’t have an annoying laugh. Practice your laugh on your gay best friend.
5. Wear something odd. Like a hat or boots—or something they can comment on. But not a tiara or a nun outfit. a. Hats: I once met a U.S. president who said in a sexy tone that he liked my hat. He liked Monica's beret too, so be careful with your hat-wearing. Hats are duel purpose— if say, you have orange or green hair on a particular day (see earlier post). b. Boots: Men love a woman in boots! Not hiking boots, but sexy boots. I don’t know why. Play Nancy Sinatra’s YouTube video, “These Boots are Made for Walking," for clues.
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Keep in mind this is a humor column, so if you think this is not very P.C. then, we are just kidding —kinda.
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