Typed by Donna Drejza
(Ursula is a Pug)
© 2016 Copyright Donna Drejza
© 2016 Copyright Donna Drejza
Dear Ursula,
Help! I’m 49 and have been miserably married for 20 years with 4 rotten kids from his previous marriage. There is a man in my
office who looks like a movie star, whom I can't stop thinking about. Should I leave my husband for him?
Torn in Toronto
Dear Torn, Most married people are miserable, which is why
there should be more government regulation to stop this madness. Speaking of
laws: have you ever contemplated killing any of them? If you’ve had this thought
more than twice a day, I admire your restraint, but it’s time to get out. At 49
you could still get another man, assuming you do not weight 250 lbs. If
you look like hell, than you should exact your revenge by staying put. You can
keep the movie star as a delicious fantasy man because it ain’t gonna happen
in real life.
Dear Ursula,
I’m getting married in a year in California. Most of my
friends live on the east coast and are married and some might be very pregnant
by then. I’m having trouble figuring out
whom to ask to be my 5 bridesmaids. Please advise.
Monica in Santa Monica
Dear Monica,
Ah, bridesmaids and weddings are what keep advice columns in
business. First of all, do you really think you should be dilly-dallying on
this wedding date? Think of all the beautiful women in LA who could steal your
man in a year. Close the deal sister! If you make the date for say, 3 months from
now —and you are the noisy type, you’ll know how pregnant everybody is, and how they got that way. Keep in mind, married women do not
want to waste money getting to your wedding. They will also hate whatever dress
you make them wear. You might as well choose 5 women —who have done you wrong!
Click here! Who knew you could get a wedding dress for $86!
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